A freak out.

I learned something very valuable about myself in rehearsal on Friday...

I freak out when:

  • We are trying to create a scene that no one has a clear vision for.
  • It is a scene revolving around me and I feel a pressure (from myself) to manifest something on the spot that will make it work.
  • There are five voices shaping the scene at the same time.
  • We don't know why this scene is needed.

That being said, my frustration in this situation did not in any way make it easier for the group or allow us to move past this road block.  It made it worse.   My impulses were shouting, "we shouldn't be using this text... this isn't going to work" and I immediately closed down.  This is something I need to work on as a collective performer. 

In a normal actor/director situation I would have held my tongue and gone along with it gladly because I would have trusted that the director had a clear vision for the scene.  It would have been my job in that situation to manifest what he/she was seeing in their head.   I get worked up when no one has a vision.   To me this is a clear sign that the scene is not working in it's current form and needs to be altered in some way. Or we need to come back to this scene when someone has a clear idea for it and can offer it to the group. 

It has been seven weeks, and this is only the second time that I have felt frustrated in the studio. 

Pretty good hey?

Here is a clip of a bus prologue we are working on.

 - Jessica